There’s no such thing as a “normal” libido, as it varies from person to person. But it becomes a problem when sexual urges feel out of control and have an impact on your health, relationships or life. This is known as compulsive sexual behaviour disorder (CSBD).
The good news is, there’s a lot that you can do to manage your high libido.
1. It’s Normal
There’s no one-size-fits-all definition for what’s considered an overly high libido. Generally speaking, the term refers to a person’s overall sexual desire, and it’s typically caused by a combination of factors like genetics, hormone levels, age, exercise, and more.
For example, if a person is feeling particularly lustful because they’re in a new relationship, that might explain why their drive is higher than usual. However, if a person’s high libido is causing them distress or interfering with their health or relationships, that’s something to talk about with a healthcare provider.
Similarly, if a person is suffering from depression, that can also impact their libido. This is because the chemicals in our brain that make us feel good — including serotonin and dopamine — are also involved in the production of libido-boosting chemicals, so it’s not uncommon to see a correlation between depression and a low sex drive.
In general, being in a healthy relationship and staying physically active can help keep your libido on track. Plus, eating a diet full of aphrodisiac foods like chocolate, figs, asparagus, and strawberring can also give you that natural boost you’re looking for.
2. It’s Not a Problem
It’s important to remember that libido is highly personal and can be changed by a variety of factors, including hormones, age, diet, exercise and even certain medications. It also depends on whether your sex drive matches that of your partner or not. If you have a high libido but your partner doesn’t, this can cause resentment and conflict in the long run — though many couples find ways to work around their differences and create sexual experiences that are mutually satisfying.
However, a low libido can be problematic when it’s severe and doesn’t subside. “If you’re experiencing sexual urges or fantasies that can’t be controlled, are causing you psychological distress, interfere with your day-to-day functioning and threaten to cause physical harm, this is a red flag,” Kerner says. These symptoms are often referred to as compulsive sexual behavior or, more specifically, sex addiction.
A change in libido can be a good reason to consult with your doctor to see if there are any physical causes, like thyroid or menstrual issues. It can also be helpful to talk to a sex therapist or psychiatrist for support and advice on how to cope with these changes. They can help you find ways to manage your libido and reduce any anxiety or depression that may be contributing to it. They can also teach you and your partner effective communication techniques and skills to create a more satisfying sexual experience.
3. It’s Not a Sign of Addiction
There’s no set level of libido that is “normal.” Sexual desire can fluctuate depending on the time of day, hormone levels, amount of exercise, sleep, and a person’s diet. Oftentimes, people are more randy when they have better mental and physical health, are in healthy relationships, get at least 6-8 hours of sleep every night, don’t smoke or use drugs, and have a positive sense of self-esteem.
But when libido becomes out of control, that is when it can become problematic. If sex and masturbation become a way to cope with difficult emotions, are used as a distraction from an addiction, or are taking up too much time and energy, this could be a sign of a problem.
Those with high libido should be open and honest with their partners about their desires. It’s also important for partners to communicate about boundaries and respect each other’s needs.
Additionally, it is not a good idea to take too many anaphrodisiacs. While oysters, chocolate and other aphrodisiacs may increase libido, an excess of these foods can actually dull it. Also, a lot of medications can dull libido. This includes antidepressants, SSRIs, and some types of antipsychotics. Talking to your doctor can help find the right medication for you.
4. It’s Not a Sign of Depression
There’s a fine line between a healthy libido and one that’s too high. When a preoccupation with sexual fantasies and/or behavior causes psychological distress or interferes with your everyday life, you may need to seek help from a therapist or counselor. This is a condition known as compulsive sexual behavior, which can lead to a number of serious medical issues including worsened depression and contracted STDs.
As you get older, your libido can change for many reasons. For example, hormonal fluctuations can be a factor, especially around menopause. In addition, certain medications and conditions like lupus can cause low libido. Lifestyle issues can also play a role, including lack of exercise and overeating.
It’s important to remember that having a high or low libido is a normal part of being human. The key is to find what makes you happy. If you’re not in a great relationship or your lifestyle is unbalanced, fixing those problems should make it easier to feel in the mood for sex. It’s also a good idea to visit your doctor if you’re concerned about your libido, whether it’s high or low. They can run some tests to ensure there are no underlying issues that need to be addressed. A gynecologist can also talk to you about hormone replacement therapy and lubrication for your vagina, which could be helpful.
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